First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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