bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
