She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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