FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
