why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
