Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
