the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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