She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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