the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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