dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
