FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
