while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
