Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize