come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I can text with my tongue
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
