Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
