I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
