Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
