have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
