No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
