I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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