At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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