There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
