just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
