The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
