am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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