genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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