sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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