when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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