I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
