me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
