you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
