Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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