I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
