I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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