I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
