drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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