So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
