Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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