he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
