Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
