So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
