masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
