She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
