Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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