hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
