The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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