I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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