You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
