her vagine was all disorganized.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
