I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
