Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
