dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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