Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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