So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
