the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
