This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
