And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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