She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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