I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She bit a glass in half.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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