I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
