I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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