Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
