I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
