she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
