I just cut my nipple shaving
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
