Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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