Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
