Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
