I am puke
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
