the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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