Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
